Tourette’s Shouldn’t Stop You From Blogging – A Guide To Writing Like Paul Krendler

Yes, I’m back.

So there’s this person who calls himself “Paul Krendler” over at The Thinking Man’s Zombie (which I will not link to) that I have mentioned before, possessed of singular wit and obsessive compulsiveness.

Namely our good friend Bill Schmalfeldt.

Once in a blue moon I pop over to his blog to see what he’s written about Bill and no matter how long I go between readings there is forever always something about Bill Schmalfeldt he’s written.

And it’s pretty much the same thing with little variation on the same theme.

What Paul does is take Bill’s blogs and tweets and injects his own words into them.

For example, let’s take this tweet from Bill:

bill tweet


Now after giving it the Krendler business it becomes:

krendler tweet

See how clever that is? Boggles the mind on the sheer weight of ingenuity and creativity and you’re probably wondering how you, too, can write with such rapier wit.

Well wonder no more, boys and girls! Yer Uncle Willy is going to impart the secret on how you, too, can write like a 4th grader suffering from advanced Tourette’s Syndrome in a few easy steps:

First, say “fuck” a lot.

Say “DUMBFUCK” a lot.

Start riffing on variations of “fuck” and “DUMBFUCK” a lot.

Posture and make hollow threats.

Reach into the deep recesses of your bereft soul and empty life



Yes you, too, can be a one-trick pony in the blogosphere by following these seven simple steps.

Entertain your readers – all four of them! Also be sure to draw upon your own life experiences and project them verily unto others –  such as the object of your obsessive compulsive disorder and poor impulse control.

I fully expect after reading this Krendler is going to give this his patented prosaic style to which I say feel free, dumbfuck – because making my point for me is small potatoes when you have a bigger fish to fry.

Happy hunting, Ahab.

The Mockery Continues.

Afterthought: does Mrs. Krendler enjoy sex with Mr. Krendler and his advanced Tourette’s because it makes her sound awesome in bed? Asking for a friend.


3 thoughts on “Tourette’s Shouldn’t Stop You From Blogging – A Guide To Writing Like Paul Krendler

  1. Mark says:

    Don’t forget the other classy Krendler rule: call your disabled son an ‘anchor’ and blame him for all of the endless failure in your life. Your wife? She’s a meany who won’t Krendler pursue his true calling as a truly bad writer with no ideas. Krendler’s insurmountable failure of a life? It’s everyone else’s fault! Whaaaaaa!

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