It’s Like The Onion, Only Less Funny And Way More Tourette’s

krendler makes me laugh

 

So we have a new player in the Hoge drama – meet Paul Krendler over at Thinking Man’s Zombie (no, I definitely won’t be linking to it) who claims he’s a free speech, take-on-all-comers champion.

Except, of course, when he’s not.

Like, for example, on a previous blog of his titled “The Time Has Come…And Gone” where he basically says I’ve been wrong on everything I felt the need to call him on it with a response of my own:

Since you’re new to the neighborhood, sonny, allow me to bring you up to speed:

I have made more than that one prediction and I never claimed I was always right – but I’ve been right more often than not and certainly more right than Hoge has ever been.

Let’s see:

I predicted all of Hoge’s motions would be tossed. They were.

I predicted Hoge would never get Bill behind bars. That didn’t happen as all 367 criminal charges against him were dropped.

I predicted Akbar would finally get snared into a courtroom after vainly trying to duck the process server. He was.

I predicted Hoge would go home empty handed on this latest copyright infringement fiasco. He did, only through Bill’s good heart did he cede the alleged infringement.

I predicted that Walker would get slapped around a few times during this process. He was.

So, yeah, when I say I’m right more often than not it’s because…I am. Weird, huh?

Ok, so Hoge and company won the state suit. Ever heard the expression “won the battle but lost the war?” Seems to go unnoticed around you lot.

The war is far from over. There’s still the Federal side of this case and Kimberlin’s not going to make the same mistake twice.
Anyway, thanks for inviting me over for Amateur Hour to show you how a professional does it.

Good day…and the mockery will continue.

Sincerely,
William A. Ferguson

 

Predictably, this response from me ruined his narrative as I knew it would. I proudly stand by my record and while I don’t claim to be 100% right all the time I’m right often enough to where you might want to listen to what I’m saying.

Predictably, the benighted champion of open forums didn’t print it and instead to put my response in “moderation purgatory.”

Predictably, I knew this would happen.

Paul Krendler (not his real name, of course) is a Hoge wanna-be, except his blog lacks all the glorious luster of Hogewash and contains even less humor.

I have to hand it to Hoge – as much of a horse’s ass the man is at least he’s funny (if not outright hilarious from time to time).

Paul Krendler is a foul-mouthed, uninspired, unimaginative, lackluster cretin and Thinking Man’s Zombie is much like The Onion – if, of course, The Onion was entirely staffed by 4th graders suffering from advanced Tourette’s Syndrome.

Go ahead and Google his blog to see for yourself – I’ll wait.

In the meantime, I’m going to delight in mocking him mercilessly as the only witty riposte he will have is to call me a “mook” and perhaps whine about how I’m “stealing” from him.

Welcome to the neighborhood, Paul.

The mockery continues…

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7 thoughts on “It’s Like The Onion, Only Less Funny And Way More Tourette’s

  1. Zero says:

    Sorry for my absence- I knew I’d have to comment on the Kimberlin vs Walker verdict before I started tweeting again- And since I don’t have my own blog, this is how I’m doing it. (Thanx in advance, Will) I’ve been in and out of town quite a bit for the last couple of weeks, and I didn’t want to comment until I had a reliable account of the proceedings- i.e. NOT one from an NBC*-affiliated source- and eventually I got one. There was a non-NBC affiliated observer in the courtroom who was taking notes, and these have now found their way to me. These notes provide a general timeline, plus a few interesting observations. There was one moment in particular that I found especially interesting- And it supports a theory I have about those clowns. But fear not, Piglets- This particular moment is going to remain our little secret. With no video running in the courtroom it could never be proven, and would only sound like childish finger-pointing now, but gee guys- Project much? Just know that you were observed, and I was told. Now we all know.

    *(NBC= National Bloggers Club. Also, if you like irony, it’s military shorthand for Nuclear/Biological/ Chemical)

    So I think the general consensus is that Kimberlin could have handled the case better. He wasted time and energy pursuing a couple of dead end paths. But the thing that really killed him was at one of the earlier hearings when the judge “streamlined” the case by dismissing the periphery charges, and focusing solely on the defamation and false light. This played right into the NBC’s defense, since every time Kimberlin tried to introduce something to show malice or put things into context NBC could object on relevance. Not being able to talk about how Aaron Walker and Hoggy inserted themselves into Kimberlin vs Kimberlin last summer, or how Kimberlin’s daughter has been bullied out of two schools as a result of the two-years-and-counting smear campaign mounted against him by the NBC, made it very difficult for Kimberlin to build a case. The fact that Tetyana Kimberlin didn’t testify allowed Aaron to claim attorney-client privilege every time he was questioned about K vs K. Incidentally, Aaron- We all know you’re not licensed to practice in Maryland- How can you be claiming to represent a party in a case there? Much less claim attorney-client privilege?

    While I’m on the subject of Aaron- I got a real laugh from the accounts of him on the stand, comparing himself first to Spartacus, then Woodward and Bernstein. Everybody remember how I’ve always said Aaron was delusional? Don’tcha love it when someone illustrates your point for you? He also claimed that he wanted to use his real name on the Everyone Draw Mohammed Blog, but his wifey-poo feared for his safety, so he reluctantly issued his famous ‘COME AND GET ME, BITCHES’ from behind a pseudonym. Speaking of Aaron’s wife- I hear she was in the courtroom- first public sighting that I’m aware of. So, Aaron- that’s quite a piece of ass you got there. Tell me, does she have trouble fitting the whole thing into a car seat? Sorry, Aaron- just with as much as you brag about other guys hitting on her, I thought she’d be- you know- attractive. Could it be that part of the reason you hate Kimberlin so much is you’re jealous that he has a hot wife, and you’re married to a pig? I also hear you brought up the whole “stalking” incident from Howard Co- And once again, did not produce the video we all know your wife took. I’m not going to go any further into that here, except to say I know the whole story. You probably do too by now, and just won’t admit it, and I’m 100% sure the HoCo SA knew it when he told you to go fuck off.

    Which, in a roundabout way, brings me to the next point; the judges. Yes, plural. Judge Jordan, the original judge in the case, recused himself after having ruled in Kimberlin’s favor on the original Aaron Walker peace order. He was replaced by Judge Johnson. He didn’t recuse himself despite having ruled in Walker’s favor at the appeal. … AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE? This is the thing that mystifies me the most- that Kimberlin didn’t complain about this prior to the hearing. Why is it that, Supreme Court or Circuit Court, only liberals ever seem to recuse themselves? It’s been very evident to me for quite some time that conservatives are incapable of recognizing the scope of their own bias, so maybe Judge Johnson believed he was going to try the case evenly, despite having the same conflict of interest as the previous judge. Or maybe the deciding factor was that nobody launched an online smear campaign against Judge Johnson, calling him senile and incompetent when they got a ruling they didn’t like? Don’t worry RWNJs- I may have broken the code, but it only works for your side. I very much doubt if a flurry of blog posts slagging off Judge Johnson would not have affected his belief in his ability to try the case. So Ali, you were right about there being a higher power in the courtroom steering things for you, it just wasn’t God.

    Speaking of Ali and God, it was noted that when taking the oath, instead of simply saying “yes” or “I do”, NBCers all said “So Help Me God” with exaggerated conviction. Ali’s swearing in felt particularly contrived to our reporter- just as I’ve often felt the same about his tweets. Bobby Boy McCain on the other hand, was reportedly having trouble keeping his cool. At least once he made a derisive snort while sitting in the courtroom, but was not cautioned by the judge. While on the stand, his composure was nearing a breaking point. Our reporter noted a great deal of venom in his voice as he answered Kimberlin’s questions, and observed at one point that his complexion grew noticeably red. In the pre-trial chit-chat of the previous night, McCain had been the overwhelming favorite to do something to embarrass the NBCers, but luckily, at this point Judge Johnson decided to call for a brief recess- which allowed Bobby Boy to regain his composure. This didn’t prevent a further outburst from McCain, however. This time, rather than just his usual huffing and puffing, McCain actually blurted out “No you didn’t!” in response to a comment Kimberlin made about having had children with Tetyana. Also while on the stand Bobby Boy accused Kimberlin of being a pedophile, and claimed to have ‘sources’ which ‘confirmed his beliefs’ about Kimberlin, but made a big show of claiming he would never reveal them. Hey, Bobby Boy- Does this mean that if I want to confirm my theory that you tortured animals and wet the bed as a child, all I have to do is say I have someone from your past who says you did? Interesting.

    Meanwhile, I’ve been neglecting Hoggy- who was actually second up on the stand. Our reporter doesn’t have much to say about his testimony except to note his usual level of smugness, and that as he was sworn in, he held his hand so high our reporter was reminded of a Hitler salute. (It was also noted how dashing Ali looked with his Hitler Youth haircut- I’m just picturing Ali in a heroic pose, holding a flag on some Young Republicans recruiting poster…) Oh. And that other thing. Hoggy, you were noted in particular for having gone back for seconds. It was also noted that, in keeping with their narrative, Aaron and Hoggy questioned the authenticity of every document Kimberlin entered- often claiming they had been altered.

    The last witness was Kimberlin’s eldest daughter. She was not able to contribute anything useful to the case. Not as it stood now, anyway. Almost all the evidence she would have been able to offer would have gone to the charges that had already been dismissed. Since she was not listed as a party on the case, none of her testimony about the fallout she had to endure as a result of NBC’s defamation of her father was allowed. Yeah, you boys were fortunate on that one. I’m choosing to believe that none of your good fortune was influenced by any of Ali’s friends in high places. Not that I think it’s impossible, or even unlikely- but it’s what I’m going with for now.

    After the last witness there were closing arguments, then Judge Johnson sent the jury out while he heard arguments for directed verdict. He then declared a recess while he thought about it.

    When the court re-convened, Judge Johnson directed a verdict in favor of the defendants on all counts. Not surprising in hindsight, given how the case had transpired up to that point. Reportedly, Aaron was just glowing once he figured out where the judge’s explanation was going. Immediately after the verdict Ali and McCain slipped out of the courtroom, and being sure to maintain his usual level of class, McCain whooped out a ‘woo-hoo’ that was audible inside. I’ve since determined that this was for some Vine video Ali was shooting right outside the courtroom doors, but yeah- way to turn the class up to 11, Bobby Boy.

    Now, what was interesting about the way the judge explained his ruling was this: Apparently, the NBCs had been calling Kimberlin a pedophile based on their belief that he was, and since Kimberlin couldn’t prove he wasn’t, he didn’t find them to be at fault. So how exactly does one prove he’s not a pedophile, then? Is there like a urine test, or something? Very interesting ruling. So based on this I could call Ali a rent boy? I mean, we’ve all seen his Grindr ad, we’ve all seen the pic of him in the Obama mask which Karl Rove claimed as his intellectual property. We’ve all seen Ali’s meteoric rise in backstage Republican politics. Based on what? The fact that he’s never worked for anyone who won an election? Either they’re paying him to be black, or he’s sucked a few dicks on his way to the middle. So how about you, Ali? Can you prove you’re not a rent boy?

    So to sum up, the NBC dildos may have won this round, albeit with a little help from providence. Yes… Providence. But it’s not the final round. Hitler surely thought he had the war won after Dunkirk.

  2. Bill Schmalfeldt says:

    This would seem to be the authoritative telling of the tale… much like my NEW BOOK, “Animus Nocendi” available on Amazon. Right now the Amazon page for the book stinks of Krendler, so drop by, share stories.

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